True Reality...

So I attempted to hang out with some girls last night. It went okay but not quite as planned. I don't know what it is about girls but there always seems to be drama. I am tired of that. Is it just the ones that I hang out with? It just seems to be every group of girls. Am I doomed to never have a close girl friendship again? It gets too complicated hanging out with guys all the time. :(

Finally my long walking journey ended at an old place of memories. Doc and Eddies. I walk in and sit at the bar texting/calling my buds for a ride when whaddayaknow!! He is there. He taps me on the shoulder and gives me a look. He asks what I'm doing there. I just look at him, grab my drink and walk away. What does he freakin own the place. I couldn't even look at him let alone try and talk. So much for the "I love you's" the "I want to be with you's" It just all went up in smoke. I was freezing cold and frustrated. I didn't even finish my drink. What good would it do anyways? I toss it and I'm sitting outside as the people around me laugh and talk. I'm thinking that I want to be like that again. Happy or at least have a sense of happiness. I do feel it sometimes when I see my niece smile or I'm around my family and can feel that loving energy that cocoons us when we're together. Other than that...I don't really know.



I sat there after the place closed still rideless and sad. and freezing...I felt so retarded. How did I let myself get into this place again? Why am I so trusting in people? The moon was my friend as I transmitted these thoughts into the night sky. Luckly, there was a good soul there that offered me a ride home. It felt good to be around him. He is calm.

Here's to getting out of the mud and into reality. No more dreamland for me anymore.