“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”: :> My heart is smiling!

Wow such an emotional week. My new little nephew Julian was born on Tuesday. 8lbs 9oz. A big boy. I was trying so hard to think good thoughts and not be so stressed out. That didn't happen. I don't think that childbirth/babies will never not be scary for me. All I could think of was the worst. And I hate that. Maybe one day it won't be so scary. But all that drama aside Julian made it safely to this world. My heart was smiling as we all crammed into my sister's hospital room. Me and my sisters and brother and mama. The little ones laying on the bed and Daisy stuffing her face with chocolate. Then, I felt sad because I missed my son. He should be trying to steal the chocolate from Daisy right now. Asking what about him when I'm holding my new nephews. No matter how much my heart is smiling it is always sad that he's not here.

Besides the other drama from my step-dad and his threats to my mom.(oh yeah. he's telling her he's not going to give her any $ for rent, food etc. and he's the only provider for the family. that bastard) but yeah my ex leaves monday for basic training. he will be gone for 6 months. we've hung out a few times. we went to a bday dinner and i'm going to another with him and his grandma tomorrow. it's my chance to finally get some closure with his family. we broke up so suddenly and i never really got to say goodbye. my family wishes him well but would rather us not be in contact. they think he's a bad influence on me. anyways...so much going on. i'm tired and my niece is getting restless here at the library. I promised her the park and she remembered. cute. :>