You know, no matter how hard I try to hate someone. I can't help but to still love them as well. Why is my heart so big and forgiving?? Especially to those who I'm not so sure deserve a piece of it.
My ex left today for basic training. It was sad and I cried. Originally, we were suppose to have dinner with his family but that got lost in translation. So, he ended up just stopping by my mom's house. I was confused because I didn't know how I should act. I'm not the sad fiancee' that he's leaving behind nor am I the sad girlfriend. I'm just an ex-fiancee' that he says he loves and misses but his actions don't say that at all. We did have a sweet saturday night. I spent the night and we lounged and watched movies. I actually slept the whole night. I hate that my body is still use to his smell and super warm body lying next to mine. Two years later...and still we just can't stop this roller coaster we call our love. it's like we've both become addicted to the idea and fantasy of what has been and what could be. Are we really destined to play out the lives of desperate souls in an old sad tale? but yea...I cried and he held me. It's for the best he told me. His arms were really warm and it cocooned me. For a minute I couldn't feel the cold rainy day all I felt were his arms and I heard him whisper 'I love you forever' into my ear. I looked at him and told him that we are a mess. what a pair we make. I was kind of mad too because I was so scared for him. I just wanted to shout 'don't go' 'stay here!' 'who will hold me when i'm sad?' but i didn't say any of those things. i really tried to not bring up our drama but some slipped out. I felt numb after he drove away. I'm happy that he is doing something with himself. I just don't want to lose him too.
:(
No comments:
Post a Comment