I looked in the mirror today and I didn't recognize who I saw. It was a weird feeling and has been since I woke up that morning after it happened. 'He is really gone' is all I thought as I looked into my empty arms where he should have been.
I talked to my ex the other day and he is also going through a rough time. The feelings of sadness and anger come and go now. For him he is in the sadness part...really bad. He scares me sometimes with the way he talks. I keep telling him not to give up. He tells me that he feels alone in the world. I remind him of his family, friends and me. Even though we are no longer together we still love each other deeply. I don't think that will ever go away.
It is hard to not think about the past. To not think about how things used to be happier. How there even existed a time when I couldn't think of anything else except being next to him, kissing him and feeling his love. When I was in the hospital the one memory that got me through going over the edge was when we were in Mexico. Yeah, that vacation was a total bust. With his dad being really mean to him and the rest of his family being unsupportive about our engagment. We still made the most of it. We laughed and smiled and explored new places together. I miss those times but I know it can never be the same again.
I told my ex that I understand how he feels right now. Like you're bobbin in the ocean, not really sure where you are or where you're going. It is a lost feeling but what we must remember is there are a ton of people under us that are keeping us from drowning. And we have to keep swimming...
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