Monday, May 9, 2011
News...
so i found out last week that i am pregnant. i'm shocked...excited and scared all in one. First of all...they told me i couldnt get pregnant again...2nd of all...will it happen again. I'm really trying to stay positive but those thoughts linger and make me apprehensive to be fully happy. the memories of before when i was completely happy come back as well as what happened the day after i felt that way. somehow being happy is always hand in hand with bad news for me. :( i'm just leaning on my family and friends for support through this. :> they are the best and i love them for that.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
pics.. :>
it's crazy how much my nephew mason looks like me...hilarious...same big head...but it holds a giant brain. :>
still truckin...
wow. it's been forever since my last post. i just got caught up in working two jobs...it takes up sooo much of my time. i've had fun times with my friends as well...it's ridic fun to go out and be silly and dance all night... :> it makes my heart smile.
right now i'm still a little in the cloud of sadness...yesterday was 3 years since my son died. i went to his grave...believe me that took a lot to finally push myself to go. so many memories flood back when i go there...i cried for a while...it was twice as hard because Dustin wasn't there. we promised each other we would always e there on that day...he told me that the base wouldn't let him go...i'm not sure i believe that. i talked to him for a few seconds but he ended up hanging up on me. i tried calling him back but nothing...i'm not sure what that was about...prob his fiancee. it's strange that after going through so much together he cant talk to me. he treats me as if i wronged him. i don't understand.
i finally talked to ty last week. thanks to flippin spencer. he set it up so we would talk finally. we did...it was good to clear the air. still i can't get that close to him again. it's too much to deal with at the moment. he's more confused as i am at the moment. i've wasted too many tears.
right right now i'm planning my move out..and working. here and there i schedule fam and friends time. just still existing...all i can do for now.
right now i'm still a little in the cloud of sadness...yesterday was 3 years since my son died. i went to his grave...believe me that took a lot to finally push myself to go. so many memories flood back when i go there...i cried for a while...it was twice as hard because Dustin wasn't there. we promised each other we would always e there on that day...he told me that the base wouldn't let him go...i'm not sure i believe that. i talked to him for a few seconds but he ended up hanging up on me. i tried calling him back but nothing...i'm not sure what that was about...prob his fiancee. it's strange that after going through so much together he cant talk to me. he treats me as if i wronged him. i don't understand.
i finally talked to ty last week. thanks to flippin spencer. he set it up so we would talk finally. we did...it was good to clear the air. still i can't get that close to him again. it's too much to deal with at the moment. he's more confused as i am at the moment. i've wasted too many tears.
right right now i'm planning my move out..and working. here and there i schedule fam and friends time. just still existing...all i can do for now.
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