again...

it seems that they've started again...my nightmares. they have not been every night but they've been off and on. and super real which is what makes them really scary. I have to stop in my dream and look around and ask myself if I'm dreaming or not. When it hits me its usually too late. by then i'm scared and freaking out by whatever seems to be scaring me. I hate it. :(

In other news, I've had some fun days with my buddies. I'm trying to get out more and socialize. Stay busy and not fall into this depression again. I miss my son...more and more every day. It puts this cloud over everything and I'm not sure how to deal with it except to not deal with it. Nuts I know but I'm not sure what to do...

so yay for christmas parties!! I have a few plans lined up. white elephant gift exchanges. funn with two NN's. just some good fun with friends. they make me smile. :)

so last night i ended up running into Ty at Pearl. Him and his buddy joined me and my friends table. it was fun. I ended up leaving with ty and his friend. we went back to ty's apartment. we watched star trek and goofed around for a bit. good times. then i slept. he held me all night. he told me he missed me. :( way too confusing right now...he makes me feel safe.

ok...dreamland time. im out. hopefully no bad dreams. :)