Nutty times man...

So, my gut instinct was right about those silly girls. They def had ulterior motives. I think they were just mad because I wasn't being a drunk slut with them. When I hung out with them I drank red bull and danced a lot. I had fun but the drama that came with that was ridiculous. So, I've washed my hands of them until who knows. I don't think they'll ever change and if one day they do I'm still not buying it. I guess a part of me wants to believe the things people tell me. I honestly want to think that people are good but lately...some are just lame-o's. oh well...

I had my first day of work today. And it was work!! We had to do detail night at the restaurant. Our opening day is Tuesday. I had to clean an area that really looked like it hadn't been cleaned since that place opened. (don't worry it was a different restaurant that owned all that area first--dirty bastards) Tomorrow night the managers are taking all us amazing servers out to dinner at one of the resort restaurants. I'm excited. I've only met a few of the servers. It'll be nice to get to know them better. :> they are all girls too...you know what that means. DRAMA!! haha.

Me and Dustin are still writing...he writes the same old. He misses me. He wants us to move back in together. He is sorry that he messed up. :( I wish it were that easy to just erase all the craziness but it's not. He sent me money in his last letter. $100!! It was def a surprise. And it was right when we needed it. He wanted me to make myself smile with it. I gave some to my mom and kept a lil. I'm glad a part of him knew I was hurting. whether that was a conscious decision or not. :>

Here is some pics from the last time me and my cousins/aunt hung out. Enjoy... :>

Tricksy tricksy...

Kim. Me. Miranda. Alicia.


Miranda and Alicia doubling.


Me and Josh aka: Whiteboi


Dancing... :>


Alicia. Kim. Me. and Miranda's hair. Cheese!!!


Oh yes. New pics!! I went to Margarita Rocks with my aunt Alicia (she's 20 something), cousin Kim and cousin Miranda on Thursday. It was pretty fun. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants a few times. Their goofy drunkeness was too much and I got pics. We went there for ladies night and as a pre-celebration for Miranda's bday. It was strange that they wanted to hang out. Usually when they do they have ulterior motives. hmm...turns out I was right. Tricksy tricksy...more almost drama but it was side stepped. I wasn't going to let that ruin my night. I'm going to say no to guys and their drama. I didn't realize how much I missed hanging out with them tho. I never get to really hang out with girls unless they're my fam and even that gets complicated when they start to act nutty and jealous. Sad that it has to be that way with fam sometimes.

We went to the reservation this weekend. We sold at the flea market in Luepp. It was fun but tiring. The wind, the cold and all the people. Ugh. And the lack of sleep. It was Julian's first trip to the rez. :) he was so cute and cuddly. It was also a lot of work. I cried when I held him and he snuggled into my chest and fell right asleep. He was so peaceful. He missed his mommy but he knew he was safe. I didn't know it would still be this hard to be around babies. :(









Oh yea...I got to visit with my buddy Nick at his parent's house in Cornfields. He is one of my good buddies and a really good guy. We joked with him about having dinner ready when we stop by. Ha! and he really had dinner. We kinda weren't joking though. It was our first real meal of the day. Besides breakfast. And it was delish!!! Good ol' rez food. Mmm.

And...I think I got a new job!! First they said I was hired then today they told me it was contingent hiring due to me still having to pass my drug test and background check. I know it will be fine tho. :) so yay to jobs!!! And I have an interview at Victoria's Secret on Friday! I love that place. We'll have to wait and see how that goes.

And...I got another letter from Dustin...I'm still not sure how I feel about that. It feels right to write to him because of what we went through. I want to be there for him but then again it feels like we're once again lying to ourselves. IDK. He keeps talking about moving in together again and starting our life. I still don't understand how he skipped that whole part of how he acted before he left. He just kept treating me like crap and telling me we're not together anymore. When he was the one coming around wanting to hang out and work out together. He's just really still confused and needs to grow up. He has lost the trust from my fam and from me. It feels weird. I can't imagine bringing him around my fam as my bf/fiancee again. I can see the stares and I know how they feel. And I know how I feel. I can't ever trust him again. and I can't forget what he did, how he treated me and made me feel. hmm...

...Let go of the past to embrace what the future has in store for you.

This is a part of my horoscope in the star magazine for this week. hmm...makes me think. This is something that I have been trying to do for quite some time now. It is a lot harder to do but really easy to say that you need to do it. :( maybe soon i can release some of the baggage. I'm starting to feel really weighed down.

body snatched...

It's the strangest thing to be doing something and to feel like you're watching yourself do it. Lately I've felt this way. I'm fascinated by this person that is going through the motions. I see her expressions, the happiness she wears on her face sometimes. I also see the pain and sadness that still live within her. Will she ever have that whole feeling again?

yea...so in other news...we had our easter fam thing. it was fun. lots of food and fun. we had marinated steak, hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, soda, secret stuff, fruit pie, upside down pineapple cake, cupcakes, chocolate, corn on the cob...mmm. (it's funny how half the food we had was desserts) it was just us too. As weird as that was it also wasn't. It was nice to just eat and sit and watch a movie and not have to worry about what you say or others watching you. we watched "ninja assassin" freakin awesome movie. tho not really something you want to eat thru. then we did the egg hunt. in a few years there will be more little ones running around after the eggs. oh and we attempted to take a family portrait. it was a process. hilarious tho.










i'm going to end this with a quote that popped into my head the other day.

"all you need is love..." -the beatles :>

Random times...

I went to a free live acoustic set by Paper Tongues yesterday. It was awesome. It was one of those "secret" shows. There was about 30-40 people packed into the patio of California Pizza Kitchen at Tempe Marketplace. We got free pizza, candy, stickers and free cds. Way more awesome. Afterwards, the band sat around and chatted with everyone. I like acoustic shows because you can really hear the talent. It's just the music without all the glitter. I just wish that some of my buddies were there. I was the only one there. My sisters were all busy. I did get to talk to the band though. And some were really hot too. :> They were pretty chill guys. Doing what they love. Funny thing was everyone thought I worked for the radio station. Guess I looked like I knew what I was doing. hmm...maybe another career route??

Then, afterwards on my bus ride home I ran into this guy with a box of pizza. He offered me one and we started talking about the army. Turns out he joined and is leaving in August to train to be MP (military police). He was young too. Just finishing up his 1st year at ASU. It was a good talk and I just told him what to expect, going on the stories told from my ex's letter. Oh yeah, I got a letter from my ex. It was a surprise to hear from him so soon. He wants to fly me out to see him. I guess he wants the support. I want to be there to support him but I'm going to try hard not to get sucked into that again. I gotta move on. Be strong.

Well I'm off to apply apply apply!! Gotta get a job. :>